The Highs and Lows of the Spiritual Life
Reflections on the Readings for the Second Sunday of Lent.
Image Credit: Wikipedia. The Transfiguration, Raphael.
Have you ever heard the following objection to the Christian faith? It’s quite common, and goes something like this: “I want to believe in God, but I just don’t feel his presence. If I don’t feel him or see him, he must not really exist, right?”
Today’s Gospel contains a metaphorical response to this objection. St. Matthew speaks of the miraculous Transfiguration of Jesus to Peter, James, and John. Make no mistake, St. Matthew is speaking here of a real event. Jesus literally took these men up a “high mountain” and was “transfigured before them” (Mt. 17:1-2). The miraculous took place, and that is why the disciples “fell prostrate and were very much afraid” (Mt. 17:6) after hearing the voice of God the Father from the Heavens. No one falls prostrate over a metaphor.
But this Gospel also has a metaphorical meaning. We can think of it like an analogy for the spiritual life, and it serves as an answer to the common objection we hear of Christianity today regarding “not feeling” the Lord’s presence. Let’s start by considering just the very first sentence: Jesus leads these men up a high mountain. How high, exactly, was it? That word alone signifies a difficult journey. Hiking is a rigorous endeavor, and it sounds like Peter, James, and John were hiking with Jesus for hours.
Hiking requires grit, discipline, and perseverance. It is not for the faint of heart. Jesus also gives no indication in the Gospel that he is telling Peter, James, and John why they are going up this mountain. He simply “led them up a high mountain” (Mt. 17:1). Would the disciples have been frustrated with Jesus’ lack of clarity, especially after all that effort spent climbing? It is certainly not out of the question, especially considering how often Jesus rebukes his disciples for being men “of little faith” (Mt. 8:26).
The spiritual life is often like climbing a mountain, with our Lord leading us to the top. There are going to be days where you sit in front of the tabernacle and you’re tired. Or hungry. Or you’re thinking about that thing you forgot to do. Or you’re thinking about that thing you will be doing. Or you’re daydreaming. Or maybe you just do not want to be praying! Regardless, there will be very difficult days in prayer where the temptation to despair feels almost overpowering: “Lord, why am I here? Where is the progress, where is the fruit? What are you even leading more to?”
And in the midst of hiking to the summit, the spiritual life can seem like all hard work with no pay-off. There may be stretches of time where we see nothing but gravel on our way up to the summit, which seems far off. But this is exactly the opposite of reality. Jesus did not wait for his disciples at the top of the mountain and say, “Come to me, make it all on your own strength.” What a dreadful, impossible command that would be! No, he gives us hope. Jesus says: “Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest” (Mt. 11:28). Our Lord led them up to the top. He walked with them every step of the way. There was not a part of the path that Christ did not pave for us.
Ultimately, this is the reality of the Cross. Another common objection to Christianity is this: “How can there be a good God with so much suffering in the world?” And while there are lots of logical answers to this question, the core of it remains a mystery to our human understanding. But it’s a mystery that Jesus dives into by taking upon the intense suffering of being betrayed by friends, condemned to death as an innocent man, and tortured even though he is the perfection of charity. Yes, we will suffer in this vale of tears. But our suffering has meaning because the Lamb of God suffered for us, and by dying destroyed death and paved the way to eternal life.
A similar dynamic is at play in our spiritual lives. Even in times in prayer where we do not “feel” the Lord’s presence, he is right there with us. He leading us to the summit. Our feelings may be fleeting, but God’s love for us is steadfast. The existence of God does not depend upon how we feel when we wake up in the morning, thank goodness. The Lord always offers us his unconditional love, and daily we have the choice to accept it. Even if we say no to it one day, he comes back the very next day with yet another invitation, with the same loving embrace.
But this is not the full answer to our interlocutor’s objection. Yes, we often do not feel or see God’s presence. Until we do. And this is the beauty of the transfiguration. Yes, there was a long journey, and it was surely challenging for the disciples to endure. But the Lord Jesus brought Peter, James, and John to the summit of a high mountain, and he did not disappoint. He showed them the glory of God by being transfigured before them. The radiant love of God appeared to these men in front of their faces. Just as the Sun gives light to those in darkness, so too did the Lord Jesus give these men a taste of the purity and overpowering brightness of his love for sinners. And our Lord invited them into his love; he did not abandon them. He extended his loving arms to these men who were so shocked by the beauty of this miracle that they “fell prostrate” (Mt. 17:6) in front of Jesus. St. Thomas’ words to Jesus after the resurrection come to mind: “My Lord and my God!” (Jn. 20:28). The disciples surely must have had no doubt of Jesus’ divinity after this experience: Jesus Christ is true God and true man, the fulfillment of the prophets, and the gift of the Father’s love for us.
But there is a detail I skipped over in this account. After Christ’s transfiguration, St. Peter starts speaking absolute nonsense: "Lord, it is good that we are here. If you wish, I will make three tents here, one for you, one for Moses, and one for Elijah" (Mt 17:4). The Gospel writer subtly remarks that Peter kept on speaking (Mt. 17:5) while Jesus transfigured, and the only thing that could get Peter to stop his incoherent babbling was not the miracle of Jesus’ transfiguration, nor the miracle of Moses and Elijah appearing before him, but yet a third miracle of God the Father speaking from Heaven directly to the disciples!
There is an important takeaway from St. Peter’s reaction to the transfiguration. Often, God puts miracles directly in front of our eyes, and instead of receiving this miracle, we start talking like St. Peter did. We focus on ourselves. We try to humanize the divine rather than let the human enter the divine. In the spiritual life, God takes us on difficult journeys, and he is right there with us. But when we get to the summit, may we not become blind to the gifts that God is bestowing upon us! He gives us daily miracles in abundance to fill the deep void in our hearts. It is up to us to receive Christ’s daily gifts to fill that void rather than attempting to fill that void with vain chatter.
In summary, how should we understand God’s existence even when we don’t feel it? 1) Jesus is with us every step of the spiritual journey, even and especially in moments of dryness in prayer or other obstacles in the spiritual life; and 2) God gives us daily miracles, but it is up to us to see them and receive them in faith.
I would like to close with a practical step on how to spot these daily miracles: write a daily gratitude list. It is so easy to focus on what you lack because you will never have everything on this earth. But God does not lack anything. God is a loving Father who desires to give us good gifts in abundance, and so he does. Writing a gratitude list will help you build a habitual disposition to thanking God every day for what he has given you, because it is for your greater good. A disposition of humility allows us to be receptive to the graces Jesus pours out on us and receive them in thanksgiving. And if God is giving us good gifts, wouldn’t it be wrong to say no to those gifts? This is why at every Mass the celebrant says before the prayer of consecration: “Let us give thanks to the Lord our God.” We must be disposed in thanksgiving to receive the glorious Bread from Heaven. And so we respond in the Mass with: “It is right and just.” And the celebrant reaffirms this disposition: “It is truly right and just, our duty and our salvation, always and everywhere to give you thanks, Lord, holy Father, almighty and eternal God, through Christ our Lord.” God blesses us daily with the gift of life—may we respond generously to his generous love with daily acts of gratitude.
Certainly, there are highs and lows to the spiritual life. At the low moments, we must have faith that our Lord is right next to us, climbing the mountain with us. He is our trust and our hope. And in the spiritual highs, we must see and receive those miracles when they occur. But wherever we are at in our life with the Lord, whether it feels like a valley or a summit, we must have faith in Jesus Christ: “For Jesus is our Hope: through His merciful Heart, as through an open gate, we pass through to heaven” (Diary of Saint Maria Faustina Kowalska, 1570). Let us rely on the Lord to lead us to the summit where the heavenly banquet shall begin.